


The Past is Prologue

by linguisticallycunning



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Episode Related, F/F, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Guilty Janeway, POV First Person, POV Third Person, Seven is a smartass, at least for me, not graphic, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:07:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24933490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/linguisticallycunning/pseuds/linguisticallycunning
Summary: Set after Unimatrix Zero and (eventually) Imperfection, KJ and Seven struggle with some new revelations and the actions they inspire.
Relationships: Kathryn Janeway/Seven of Nine
Comments: 12
Kudos: 67





	The Past is Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the absence of late but there’s just so much going on that it’s hard to cover all the bases.
> 
> This is just a one-shot, mainly because I’ve always wondered about that mind meld. I mean, how much could really be secret after that?
> 
> So I offer you a fluffy and angsty distraction!
> 
> Happy Friday!

Private Log—

This isn’t fit for any Starfleet log. But, as I am duty bound to be the only officer of my rank aboard this ship, I must deal with this somehow. I’ve debated going to the Doctor with all this but I had doubts about his knowledge of interpersonal relationships despite his professed expertise. Both Chakotay and Tuvok pose other issues. Where Chakotay is biased, Tuvok is rigidly stoic. Neither would be too pleased with my responses thus far. So here we are, me talking to myself, talking myself out of something I may not be able to control.

It all started with that mind meld! We could have kept playing along but that one moment stripped it bare. In that one moment, doubt was removed and it scared the hell out of me. Frankly I was glad when we were released from it. Even then, I couldn’t shake the feeling of Seven watching me with eyes that saw far too much.

I will confess I was both jealous and relieved to learn of Axum and his past relationship with Seven, or Annika as he insisted on calling her. I knew I had no right to be jealous, no right to flinch. Seven flinched as well I noticed but I kept it to myself. It’s funny to be relieved by the same things that rile me but knowing Seven had a way to express her humanity while still trapped within the Collective eased my mind a little. While I never considered Seven strictly an innocent, I did wonder what she was truly capable of given the damage the Borg inflicted. Seeing her reactions to Axum in the aftermath made me realize Seven was far more human than she realized. I had long suspected that Seven’s feelings had merely been suppressed. Now I had proof.

If only it had stopped with that.

Recovering from assimilation was no joke. I don’t think I’ve ever given Seven enough credit for that, by the way. But as she did remember, she stayed close, visiting sick bay for many hours a day until I was finally released. To thank her for her vigilance, I asked her to have dinner with me. I don’t know what I was thinking or even if I was thinking. The only thought in my head was that I needed to clear some things up between us, most specifically, what she knowledge she’d gleaned from that damn meld.

She arrived at my quarters early. We were supposed to meet at the holodeck. We never got there. I was caught so off guard, I invited her in as I wasn’t finished getting dressed yet. I was still buttoning my blouse when Seven entered. I saw she was carrying something but my eyes couldn’t quite see beyond Seven’s own radiance. I had told her no uniforms, no fuss. Seven took me at my word and had replicated a simple white dress shirt and a pair of soft, khaki colored trousers. Her hair was loose and I found I could not tear my eyes from her. Every thought of distance and platonic friendship and Starfleet left my mind with such force it took my breath with it.

I must have continued to walk towards Seven, my shirt still half buttoned. I noticed she placed what she was holding, a bottle of something, on the end table as she stared back at me, her turquoise eyes wide and dangerous. I stopped a few meters from her and as I looked up into her eyes, words failed me. She knew. She knew and she was here.

I tried to speak then, tried to steer us back to a safer port. Seven didn’t bite though. She watched as I flailed at excuse after excuse, babbling about dinner and regulations and anything I could think to keep us apart. Seven waited until I’d exhausted everything I could think. Then, wordlessly, she closed the gap I’d been intent on keeping and before I could deflect her, she kissed me hard.

It should have stopped there. I should have thrown her out then. But thanks to that meld, Seven knew I wouldn’t. Seven knew I was desperate to kiss her despite all my denials. To her it was plain as day and she used it against me so strategically that she cut off my only retreat. She knew I’d kiss her back. I’m only human. I sometimes think I hate that as much as she does.

I kissed her back and kept kissing her as she pulled me off my feet. I kissed her until I could not breathe, until our lips were bruised, until we found ourselves in my bed.

What followed was indescribable, it was amazing, and it was a mistake, no matter how much I didn’t want it to be.

The trouble came immediately. How could it not? I knew I should have not caved. And so when Seven’s cortical node began to fail, it felt like a punishment for what we had done. I couldn’t bear it. But worse, I couldn’t bear to lose her. I used my powers as Captain to try and save her, I would have killed for her. And that’s why I can’t be with her. I can’t have it both ways.

I’ve wrestled with it this whole week she’s been regenerating. There is only one solution, one conclusion. I cannot be both Captain and Kathryn. I have tried and I have almost immediately failed. When Seven steps off that dais, I’ll just have to be honest. While the thought turns my guts, the relief that she will be OK is almost enough. It has to be enough.

Personal Log—Seven of Nine

I have never been a fan of keeping personal logs. I can understand tracking personal data, for productivity purposes. But I listened to many personal log entries in my pursuit to comprehend humanity better. I realize it was against regulations however I was not using any knowledge I gleaned. It was a breach of privacy, one I would never employ now. But then, I was still recently severed and was struggling to cope with the torrents or irrational emotions and feelings. What I noticed in the log entries was a great deal of pining and complaining. Many crewman were displeased with some aspect of their lives. In many cases it was of a romantic nature. Some were lonely. Many were often ‘homesick’ as the Doctor calls it. I could understand the lonely ones. The rest held little interest to me. The romantic whining I found particularly distasteful and I ignored almost entirely.

It is the romantic entries that haunt me now. I truly believed I was above such ridiculous nonsense, until it befell me. There is no other way to categorize what I am experiencing, no explanation for my physiological responses. I fell in love. I am in love. With Captain Janeway.

This is against regulations, though I am not a member of Starfleet, the Captain treats me as one. Technically I am also her subordinate, a role I have never truly assumed. Despite those things, I do respect her. I clearly care for her deeply. I know that will change nothing though. She will appear in a few hours and tell me she must be the Captain. I cannot accept that now, not after nearly dying, not after how she looked at me. And not after that night after she’d recovered from Unimatrix Zero. I let her push me back after that. If my cortical node hadn’t failed, she might have gotten her way. I do not mind keeping secret. But something has changed in me.

What I saw of Kathryn, I cannot forget. The Captain seems to forget it it though or at least deny its worth. I have seen the price she pays for such denials. It speaks from the hollow behind her eyes, the downward pull of her mouth. She did not look that way in my arms.

So what do I say? When she seeks to deny Kathryn and by proxy me? Do I allow her to pull rank and put her duty above all else? Do I pledge to wait for her like some maiden in a cheap holonovel? Do I tell her off because to see her and not touch her is torture beyond anything the Borg ever exacted?

Life was simple as a drone. Tasks and more tasks. Objective completion. Repeat. There was nothing to be felt. And yet, in Unimatrix Zero at least, we did feel. I remember now. Axum was very real and very important to Annika. I may not feel just as Annika did but I see in that what I am capable of being. Seeing that, knowing the Captain feels as she does, I am now lost to it. She may deny us both but it won’t make it disappear.

She must know that. She must. And so what can I say to change her mind?

My regeneration cycle was set to end shortly. I suppose I will give the Doctor the pleasure of “reviving” me.

End Log

Relief flooded over Captain Janeway at the sight of Seven of Nine, fully healed from her near death scrape. She had come here with thoughts of redefining their relationship but any idea had leapt ship at the sight of Seven. Her Seven.

She couldn’t afford to think like that. Raising her eyes to Seven’s, she found she couldn’t look away. She shouldn’t encourage her like this. So instead of facing up to her dilemma, the good captain wordlessly hightailed it out of the cargo bay.

Safely ensconced in her ready room, she activated a security seal on the door. Her mind was reeling and she needed to get control over herself immediately. Seven had undone her with one look. This was never going to work if that was her reaction. She walked to the replicator and ordered coffee. She could have really done with a whiskey but she knew better. Whiskey let her fall for her own bullshit and she couldn’t afford that now.

Sitting on the couch, she sipped at her coffee and imagined another life, one where she’d met Seven differently. No Borg. No Starfleet. No captain/subordinate problem. Would they be the same without those traits that made them individuals? So lost was she in her alternate universe daydream that she did not hear the ringing at her door. She did notice, though, when the doors slid open without her permission.

The Captain looked up to see Seven and was taken momentarily aback at the sheer gall of the tall blonde. To break open her door knowing she was inside? For a second, she was too shocked to speak but when she found her voice, she hissed, “Seven!” in such a way that even the Borg looked scared.

In fact, Seven froze, her resolve crumbling. She suddenly wanted to run away, disappear, anything but stand in the laser beam rays of the Captain’s eyes. She had no choice though as Janeway had quickly resealed the doors with Seven inside.

“Explain yourself, Seven,” Janeway demanded, her voice low and deadly.

Seven found that her vocal processor was malfunctioning. Then she remembered she no longer had a vocal processor. Not a single word came to her lips. Instead she just stared at Janeway, the fear morphing into a mysterious look Janeway had never seen. It was unreadable.

While the Captain puzzled, Kathryn clawed at her uniform from within. Never had she wanted to throw it all away like this. And she didn’t want to throw it away, not at all.

“Captain,” Seven finally said still looking abashed. “I apologize for barging in.”

Kathryn raised an eyebrow, Seven was not known for apologizing.

“I love you,” Seven said it so easily Kathryn’s jaw dropped. “I realize that as Captain, you cannot return that sentiment. I also realize your duty will not allow you to bend and so I just needed you to know.”

With that said, Seven turned to leave.

“Nearly dying has turned you into a romantic,” Kathryn replied, her voice still dancing in the deadly low tones.

Seven snapped back and narrowed her eyes, seemingly searching for a suitable comeback.

“Please don’t tease me, Kathryn,” Seven whispered, arching her own brow and continuing back towards the door.

Quick as lightning, Janeway was on her feet and with a few fast strides she blocked Seven from the door. She seemed to shock herself as well as she stood gaping once more.

“I can’t let you go Seven,” it was half a plea, half confession. “But as Captain, I have little option.”

Seven turned and looked down then to see Kathryn’s eyes turn stormy and undecided.

“I can wait for you,” Seven said, betraying herself. “I can. Until you get this ship back home. If that’s what you want.”

Kathryn looked up fully knowing that was not what she wanted. After seven years of this, her resolve had not weakened but she had changed nonetheless. She could either continue down her lonely road, solo and sad, drawing them slowly back to the Alpha Quadrant on the fumes of her guilt. Or she could take a more maverick approach.

The guilt thing had not gotten them home yet. So Kathryn made a radical decision. Instead of becoming more embittered and jaded in her self-imposed isolation, she would choose to live instead. It was a risky move.

“I believe you would, Seven,” Kathryn smiled. “But it’s not really what I want.”

“What do you propose then?” A glint of hope danced across Seven’s eyes.

“I propose we give this, whatever this is,” she said entwining Seven’s metal tipped fingers with her own, “a shot. But we do it the right way.”

Seven’s eyebrows knitted.

“The right way?”

Kathryn felt her cheeks flush. Her heart continued to pound in her ears but she managed to answer.

“We can’t sneak around, we need to be above board.”

“So will we will not be cohabitating?”

“Seven,” Kathryn managed to gasp before she saw Seven smiling.

“Can we have dinner together?”

“Tonight? Sure.”

“In your quarters?”

Seven did not wait for a reply. Instead she lowered her mouth to Janeway’s still gaping one and kissed her until she relented about later.

Much later…

Dinner had not quite happened as planned. Seven had arrived, prompt as ever, bearing champagne this time. But much as the last time, the first time, they did not get to opening the bottle.

Kathryn had been shocked by her own lack of control but after all these years of denials and suppressions, she really shouldn’t have been so surprised. Plus Seven smiling was a sight that could make anyone lose control of their senses. And Seven seemed to smile a lot in her quarters.

She had practically leapt at Seven as soon as the doors shut. She couldn’t wait one more second to kiss her. It was a bad sign but for the moment Kathryn was willing to ignore the annoying voice. All she could think of was Seven.

Their kisses quickened as Kathryn half pulled, half pushed Seven in the direction of the bedroom. There was no point in trying to slow things down. In fact, their movements had become quite desperate as they tore at the layers of cloth between them. The bed came up quickly and they tumbled onto it. A primal yell echoed from the back of Seven’s throat and Kathryn suddenly wondered if her quarters were soundproof. The thought quickly dissipated as Seven dropped her still open mouth between Kathryn’s breasts. It was suddenly Kathryn’s turn to moan as Seven began to kiss and nip her way across her chest. Their actions became more fevered still as neither was willing to concede the upper hand. Each motion was countered in kind until their bodies were sweaty and so entwined they could scarce tell limb from limb. Beat for beat, they drove each other higher, daring one another to keep going. It was Kathryn that faltered, tipping into the iridescent wave. She pulled Seven under with her and together they spun, clutching each other until they reached the shore.

They lay like that, twisted and spent in the ruined bedsheets, for what could have been minutes or hours. Seven found her internal chronometer was not operating properly but then neither was her cortical node. For the moment her human systems had taken over and she found that to be acceptable.

Kathryn tried to blink her eyes back into focus. When she finally managed it, she found Seven staring at her. They were practically nose to nose and Seven’s eyes looked enormous as they scanned Kathryn’s for hints of doubt or disapproval. Finding none, Seven allowed a smile to finally reach her lips.

“You are an impressive woman, Kathryn Janeway,” Seven said as she kissed her lightly before pulling herself up off the bed.

“You’re pretty impressive yourself,” Kathryn replied as she fought to sit up. How was Seven moving so quickly?

“I should return to the Cargo Bay,” Seven said reached for her discarded shirt.

“We can still have dinner,” Kathryn said, her stomach growling as if on cue.

“Would you like me to replicate something?” Seven asked in a teasing tone.

Kathryn leveled her eyes at Seven.

“Is that a crack about my cooking skills?”

Seven merely quirked her eyebrow as she continued to get dressed. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

“You know I’ll likely be cashiered out of Starfleet for this,” Kathryn quipped as she sat wrapped in the blankets of her bed. She supposed she should get dressed.

“It would be foolish move on their part,” Seven snapped back. “But even so, you will still have me.”

“That’s exactly what I’m afraid of!” She didn’t get quite to the end of that sentence before Seven swatted a pillow at her. Forgetting her strength, the pillow exploded showering them both in synthetic feathers.

Kathryn began to rumble with laughter, it grew deep and infectious, catching Seven in its cackling crackle. She extended her hand to Kathryn as a truce and gently pulled the still naked redhead to her feet.

“Seven,” Kathryn said in a muffled voice as she pulled on a faded Academy t-shirt. “Are you really ok with all this?”

Seven had walked back towards the door but she stopped and looked back at Kathryn. “We will both adapt, as will the crew. However, any discomfort I might feel is far outweighed by finally getting a chance to be with you.”

Without waiting for a reply, Seven scampered into the other room leaving Kathryn with her mouth agape, as she stepped awkwardly into a pair of sweatpants.

After eating a quick dinner of omelette and salad, Seven rose reluctantly, and bid Kathryn a goodnight. Kissing Seven by the door, Kathryn was sorely tempted to rescind her own request and ask Seven to stay.

“I need to regenerate anyway,” Seven said as if reading her thoughts. Then with a last light peck, she was gone.

Kathryn walked to her couch and sat down. She knew she should go to bed. She was definitely exhausted. Her mind was swimming though, the thoughts of Seven crashing against the reality of Starfleet. In the end, Starfleet would have to take care of itself. She cared of course but Seven had changed her already. She was still the Captain, she was just a little less alone.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope everyone is staying safe out there! 😷😷  
> NYC ❤️ you!  
> Stay strong and wear a mask!


End file.
